5 Things Adults Make/Made for Children (but totally aren't)

It just makes me wonder sometimes how adults seem to think they know how to humor little boys and girls when sometimes they end up scarring them for life. And now, to the list:

1. Clowns

I don't know whose brilliant idea it was to paint on a face with a humongous mouth and call it funny. Clown's don't look funny at all; they look creepy… even scary. Children sometimes even cry when they see clowns in a party. Most of the time, they get so scared that they develop into phobias into adulthood. Is putting on clown make-up some kind of sick humor invented by adults so they can show children who is boss? As for the clowns themselves, don’t they realize that one of the main problem as to why they have difficulties in managing children’s parties is because the children are too afraid to go near them… either they just don’t get that or they are just plain evil. As to who is the scariest clown, I’d probably say it’s that guy from some farm in a yellow and red outfit that makes you eat burgers and floats and makes you all fat and big so he can eat you in the future.

2. Ventriloquist puppets/ Porcelain dolls

Remember those little dolls or puppets which have those big round glass eyes that blink when you move the doll.  And that stare…. that stare onto blank space which makes you think that the doll is staring at your soul and that it is trying to steal your soul so it can finally walk and live a life on its own. But seriously, who thought of making those creepy dolls anyway? Children get nightmares thinking about them… and more importantly, why do adults still collect them after Chuckie and all the other series of Child’s Play sequels made you want to throw all the toys in your house. Do those blank stares have some kind of hypnotic effect?

"I'm looking into your soul"

3. Barney

If you don’t know Barney, you are probably way too old or too young to be using the internet. For you people who were lucky enough to not be introduced to this purple and annoyingly-happy dinosaur, he was just that: Purple, annoying as hell and with a chuckle that’s reminiscent of new chalk on a blackboard. Oh… and he had a green triceratops girlfriend too (Baby Bop). I forgot to mention that he was a t-rex. Yup  for some reason, adults forgot Barney was this:

"I'm purple and annoying"

Or they just probably want to make the kids learn in horror as to what Barney would do to his girlfriend after shooting all of the seasons.

4. Fairy Tales

If you grew up watching Disney cartoons and movies which actually make sense when compared to Miley Cyrus, then you probably know the untrue stories of the Fairy Tales we all love. But the original fairy tales were far from the happily ever after thingie Disney embedded in our mindset. In fact, they were actually gruesome and not kid-friendly. For example, Sleeping Beauty was actually raped and the reason why she woke up was because after she gave birth to twins (while she was asleep) one of them decided to suck on her thumb. The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen ended in her suicide, and that her tongue was cut off so she can’t speak… oh and whenever she walked, her new feet bled like hell. Cinderella’s step sisters cut off bits and pieces of their legs, Snow White’s step mother wanted to eat her (snow white’s) innards, etc. For some reason, Disney decided to make these stories for children.

"She's so pretty when she's sleeping. Maybe I should sleep with her."

5. Nursery Rhymes

We learned them at school, listened to cassette tapes with them, even played while singing them… Now if only we knew how political and sometimes gruesome they actually were. Whose idea was it to make them songs for children anyway? Would you sing a song about the symptoms of the Bubonic Plague while happily spinning around of you actually knew what they were; Or that Mary’s silver bells and cockleshells were actually torturing devices during the time of Queen Mary. Oh and those cockleshells were used for men only…

"Guess where I got attached"